I know I haven't written anything in a while. Usually when I do, it's because I have something to say or a situation/story has brought itself about and I seek input.
Last night I was watching Primtime on ABC and they had on a series they are doing called Outsiders. The first section was about swingers which I think is odd, but fascinating. I don't find it odd that these couples can remove any correlation between sex and emotion and have a good time with mulitple partners. In fact, I think all of us have done that before, it's called dating. Just typically we're not sharing. Enough about swingers, I'll get into all of that at another time. What really shocked me was the "Asexual movement"
Asexual is commonly accepted as a term for not having sexual organs, or in nature is and science is also referred to as agamogenesis only requiring one parent for reproduction. The third definition is the one being referenced though....
....lacking interest in or desire for sex.
I listened to the stories of several members of this asexual movement that express their lack of need for sex and that they do not feel it is important in life. I tried to keep an open mind while watching what I would deem as undesirable sexual partners express all of their feelings about it. One guy was married for 4 years and only had sex a handful of times, one lady married for 7 years and never had sex, a young couple in their early 20's about to get married and had no desire for sex. The girl here mentioning that she grew up thinking she was lesbian because she was not attracted to men. She tried women and didn't enjoy it, now found a man that supported her in her decision to not have sex....EVER.
I had to think about that for a second and then it hit me....YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING CRAZY! Two of the guys including the one who was married were setting off homo alarms left and right. Guys, you're closet gay, and it's ok that you're gay, just come out and let the world know, carry on your life and stop this bullshit movement.
Humans are born with only two instincts, survival and procreation. By being born with such a simple plan for life we are designed to eat drink and be merry, fornicate, reproduce and die. I ask anyone out there to tell me if there are any other instincts or reasons that you think procreation is not a neccesity in life.
We asa society have been raised and taught many different things about sex. Sex is more mainstream now than ever.We see it everywhere but to get back to the animalistic nature of it, guys, did you get your first hard on because you were attracted to the appearance of a particular person? No, it came at random. Babies get hard ons even though they have not yet been conditioned to find "sex appeal" in any particular person or group of people.
How could any person deem themselves asexual and state that sex is not required to live a full and rewarding life? No kids? That has been one of the biggest rewards of my life so far. Ee're all adults here (well, maybe not on myspace, but in this blog) sex is a guilty pleasure that all of us have. Someone out there who does not at all enjoy sex, please chime in and explain why so that I might understand all of this. Oh, and here's the website for the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
Update on the couple that was getting married, they had sex, they liked it, the're probably going to do it again!
Wednesday, September 6, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
There's a Wookie in my sink!
That's right kids, and not the Wookie like Druncle talks about. You know, he pulls the stranger and it looks like a wookie is jacking him off. I'm talking about a mountainous pile of man fur in my sink.
I'm a hairy bastard, to be honest, you could probably braid my chest hair and let little kids swing from it into the pond like they do out there at "dem fishin' holes" Well, maybe it's not quite that bad, but I do seem to attract small children to my chest much like Santa Claus does to his beard.
On to my point.
As many of you guys out there do (this is modern society now) I do some "Man-scaping" from time to time. I trim down the chest hairs, give the undercarriage a nice cleaning, and even clean up the loose ends in my ass crack. Man is that a pain in the ass! I have to say, it is satidfying to look down and realize your penis just grew 3 inches from removing the hair. I always wonder "where the hell did that thing come from? That can't be mine!" Then I touch it a few times and it responds, so it has to be.
Last night I decided it was about time to give the clippers a run across the 'ol spare tire and clean it up a bit. I'm not going to see Rebecca for a couple of days, just me to deal with the stubble, why not. I put the little gaurd on my clippers and viola off to a great start.
Damn, that line sure is drastic. Oh well, let's keep going. Oops, that was the wrong gaurd. Too late now, slowly around the nips, don't want to cut on off. Batteries are running low, better change them......
So, I walk through the house, half shaved (I was not doing the under carriage last night) and get quizzed by my kids.
"Daddy, why is your hair like that?" Well, I explained about shaving and trimming hair for hygenic and cosmetic purposes. I think they understood. Back to shaving I go and in comes Austin. "Daddy, it looks like the guy from Star Wars in the sink"
There you go, no real point, but it was humorous. My 4 year old recognized Chewbacca in my sink. I wonder if could have bundled it up and sold it on ebay like the Virgin Mary grilled cheese?
I'm a hairy bastard, to be honest, you could probably braid my chest hair and let little kids swing from it into the pond like they do out there at "dem fishin' holes" Well, maybe it's not quite that bad, but I do seem to attract small children to my chest much like Santa Claus does to his beard.
On to my point.
As many of you guys out there do (this is modern society now) I do some "Man-scaping" from time to time. I trim down the chest hairs, give the undercarriage a nice cleaning, and even clean up the loose ends in my ass crack. Man is that a pain in the ass! I have to say, it is satidfying to look down and realize your penis just grew 3 inches from removing the hair. I always wonder "where the hell did that thing come from? That can't be mine!" Then I touch it a few times and it responds, so it has to be.
Last night I decided it was about time to give the clippers a run across the 'ol spare tire and clean it up a bit. I'm not going to see Rebecca for a couple of days, just me to deal with the stubble, why not. I put the little gaurd on my clippers and viola off to a great start.
Damn, that line sure is drastic. Oh well, let's keep going. Oops, that was the wrong gaurd. Too late now, slowly around the nips, don't want to cut on off. Batteries are running low, better change them......
So, I walk through the house, half shaved (I was not doing the under carriage last night) and get quizzed by my kids.
"Daddy, why is your hair like that?" Well, I explained about shaving and trimming hair for hygenic and cosmetic purposes. I think they understood. Back to shaving I go and in comes Austin. "Daddy, it looks like the guy from Star Wars in the sink"
There you go, no real point, but it was humorous. My 4 year old recognized Chewbacca in my sink. I wonder if could have bundled it up and sold it on ebay like the Virgin Mary grilled cheese?
Sunday, August 6, 2006
Innocence Lost, Wisdom Gained and the World Stood Still
Well folks, today is an interesting day. A bit of the softer, not funny side, but something that I wanted to share with all of you.
My daughter Aubrey started school today. It was her first day of kindergarten and she was excited. If you share the joysof parenthod with me, you know that this is a big step for her. She was very excited. She went out Sunday night and got her school supplies with Aunt Kathy. It's been hell keeping her out of them for the past couple of days, but last night we went and got her the last three shots she needed for school. Taken like a true champ, whining a little on the second one when she looked over and saw the needle, but she didn't even feel the first one.
After all three shots were done we grabbed a bite of dinner and hit the grocery store. She was elated that I let her pick out what SHE wanted in her lunches. Off to the house, Austin took a shower and Aubrey and I made her first lunch to take to school. She made her own sandwich, put all of the items in er lunch box and put it in the fridge with a huge grin on her face. She went right to sleep.
This morning she came in and woke me up around 6 am wondering if it was time to get ready. I laid her down in bed with me for a few minutes and we got up and around.
After dropping Austin at daycare, Aubrey's road rage was in full force yelling at cars to get out of the way because she had to go to school. That'll all change in a few years. I walked her to her new classroom, pointed out that her name was on a locker. She promply put her things in there, said hello to the teacher and turned to me, gave me a kiss and said "Goodbye, Daddy." I didn't tear up or any of that stuff that you might see other parents do. I didn't sulk off thinking that sh didn't need me, but looing back now I have a smile on my face. My kids are a part of me and that will never change. I have the priveledge of walking through these steps of life with them that will form them into functioning adults. This was a very proud moment for me. One of many to come, but the first step in her future. Take care of my little girl Mrs. Mammailie, she is very important to me.
Austin starts next year and I suspect that I will have the same feelings when he crosses that invisible plain from carefree into his first steps of responsibility. I wish both of them as fond of memories of their first day that I will always have. For those of you who are not parents, I wish that you some day will have these feelings. We always think about those we love around us, we really do love them, but this is different. It transcends all things that we think are important and every care or negative thought in the world is gone out the window. Everything around you is just a dull murmur of mundane life. There is nothing I have yet found, including the day I was married, that can compare to the emotions that ran through me this morning.
To Aubrey, maybe you'll see this in years to come. You might cry when you read this, you might skip the tears. I can feel them welling up in my eyes, but they just won't fall! I know right now you won't understand it, but I love you, and I am so proud of you.
My daughter Aubrey started school today. It was her first day of kindergarten and she was excited. If you share the joysof parenthod with me, you know that this is a big step for her. She was very excited. She went out Sunday night and got her school supplies with Aunt Kathy. It's been hell keeping her out of them for the past couple of days, but last night we went and got her the last three shots she needed for school. Taken like a true champ, whining a little on the second one when she looked over and saw the needle, but she didn't even feel the first one.
After all three shots were done we grabbed a bite of dinner and hit the grocery store. She was elated that I let her pick out what SHE wanted in her lunches. Off to the house, Austin took a shower and Aubrey and I made her first lunch to take to school. She made her own sandwich, put all of the items in er lunch box and put it in the fridge with a huge grin on her face. She went right to sleep.
This morning she came in and woke me up around 6 am wondering if it was time to get ready. I laid her down in bed with me for a few minutes and we got up and around.
After dropping Austin at daycare, Aubrey's road rage was in full force yelling at cars to get out of the way because she had to go to school. That'll all change in a few years. I walked her to her new classroom, pointed out that her name was on a locker. She promply put her things in there, said hello to the teacher and turned to me, gave me a kiss and said "Goodbye, Daddy." I didn't tear up or any of that stuff that you might see other parents do. I didn't sulk off thinking that sh didn't need me, but looing back now I have a smile on my face. My kids are a part of me and that will never change. I have the priveledge of walking through these steps of life with them that will form them into functioning adults. This was a very proud moment for me. One of many to come, but the first step in her future. Take care of my little girl Mrs. Mammailie, she is very important to me.
Austin starts next year and I suspect that I will have the same feelings when he crosses that invisible plain from carefree into his first steps of responsibility. I wish both of them as fond of memories of their first day that I will always have. For those of you who are not parents, I wish that you some day will have these feelings. We always think about those we love around us, we really do love them, but this is different. It transcends all things that we think are important and every care or negative thought in the world is gone out the window. Everything around you is just a dull murmur of mundane life. There is nothing I have yet found, including the day I was married, that can compare to the emotions that ran through me this morning.
To Aubrey, maybe you'll see this in years to come. You might cry when you read this, you might skip the tears. I can feel them welling up in my eyes, but they just won't fall! I know right now you won't understand it, but I love you, and I am so proud of you.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Maxim Magazine publication.
I know some of you have seen and read this story already, but here it is for those of you who didn't catch it.....
My smiling face is on page 97 in front of the "Welcome to Texas" sign with Erran Yearty and Max Smith. What a weekend that was. The read is lengthy, but I promise you'll chuckle more than a time or two.
Here is a link to the original submission to Maxim Magazine. Take a read, pick up the issue and you tell us if 3rd place was the right spot!
CLICK THE IMAGE
My smiling face is on page 97 in front of the "Welcome to Texas" sign with Erran Yearty and Max Smith. What a weekend that was. The read is lengthy, but I promise you'll chuckle more than a time or two.
Here is a link to the original submission to Maxim Magazine. Take a read, pick up the issue and you tell us if 3rd place was the right spot!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Excessive female masturbation.
I just read this in a blog and wanted to repost it for all of you with a little bit of my perspective!!!
It comes from the lovely
Last night while watching a very informative episode of 20/20, I learned of a womans disorder that I have never heard of. Its a very rare disorder and was first diagnosed very recently in 2001, which I find surprising because if it happened then there must have been many cases before. PSAS, Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome.
Holy shit! Why can't I find a woman like this? A woman constantly aroused and always charged and ready to go would be a great little party trick.Pull her out of the closet when the time is right and you never have to worry about your polishing your game or your knob!!!
This sounds like a lucky disorder at first. I mean who wouldnt like having multiple orgasms back to back, at work, in the shower, or even while pushing the vacuum around the living room. Wouldnt you think that the partner in the relationship might also enjoy this too? Hell, I would think so! But after listening to the womans testimonies who have suffered from this, it seems as though its very unpleasing.
I'm still with you on this one Cherie. Tell me, do you suffer? May I help you out with that? I've got friends!
From what I could get out of the information last night, very little is actually known about this constant urge to whack off. The curiosity struck me this morning to know more about this arousal thats not related to sexual excitement or desire so I came to work and read a little bit more about PSAS. It is actually one of the current understudied disorders for woman, and one that many suffer from with no diagnosis. Say you go to the doctor, and you tell him that you have violent orgasms in broad day light while enjoying lunch with your coworker. He would probably look at you like,
Holy crap really?? Well arent you every mans dream. But to a woman this has got to be quite an embarrassment, and also pretty painful. I mean after a long night of entertainment you find yourself exhausted, but orgasms allll day? Holy shiza!
Hmm, the constant rubbing could lead to a little irritation, but VILOLENT orgasms? Tie her up to my bed and I'll climb on top. It'll be like the bed at the sleazy motel with the quarter slot on the headboard! Ah, good times!
For males multiple masturbation sessions are normal on almost a daily basis, for your average woman once or twice a day is also quite normal. BUT 35 times a day is OUTRAGOUS! Imagine having to masturbate ALL day and still have no relief. Stay home. Watch the kids and rub one out! Hahahaha, One of the woman last night on 20/20 was explaining the torture that PSAS put on her marriage and her career, and that it also caused her to be suicidal. She is now on paxel and announced on national television that she only masturbates about 15 times a day after treatment and cries while doing it. ( haha.. not a laughing matter really, but it is amusing.)
Bullshit! Not a laughing matter my ass, that could provide hours of entertainment. Imagine the porn fetish site she could start.... www.crymeacumriver.com, Where the salty tears just add to the flavor! Millions I tell you, millions. You know there is some sick fuck out there that would get off on it!
She was defiantly not the only one. There was also a wrinkled ol couple on the show discussing the lack of performance from her husband and sharing her burning desire to get off all day. She has suffered from severe depression because if this she claims. After a little research I did find out that it is a unique experience for each person involved in PSAS. Each woman with PSAS and her partner undergo an individual yet normally negative emotional experience, such as shame and embarrassment, personal distress, invalidation, and feelings of isolation, withdrawal etc.
Is it really a feeling of isolation, or just a desire to be isolated...with a laptop...and an internet connection....and a washcloth?
NOW with all that said even though lots of orgasms sound cool. That would flippin suck.
I figure this is just an over amount of sensitivity of nerves and the blood flow to their business, which I dont think can be controlled by any substance. Thus leaving these women busting out in Ohhs and Aweees in public, or even at a family dinner. My suggestions for cure. Well they are slim, but I can say that Ive heard that thinking about dead puppies works for males. Maybe thinking of your grandmas boobs or finding your mans skid stained boxers might work also. But a better suggestion would be the removal of the love button. I know they do this is some religions and diverse cultures, so shit.. If its so bad that you have to cry while you aim to please that clitorious, have them cut that bad boy out. I mean we still have the inevitable G spot thingy to find, so maybe they spend time looking for that, all the other woman in the world might appreciate the tips, cause the other dont work! (Well except that pillow thingy.. but whatever) Hell maybe someone who suffers from it will read this and become the best sex therapist and teach other woman to maintain these crazy intense organisms that weve all been looking for. Men might like the tips too! Its all of our goals to increase the pleasure of our partners.
Dead puppies? Dead babies...or maybe live ones getting run over by a bus! Or if you're real fucked up you could just imagine some of the scenes from the movie "The Hills Have Eyes". Yeah, I fucked up and watched that shit! I'm a little twisted, but that was fucked up....
Back to the subject. Removal of the stalactite at the cave entrance? NO, the bean should definitely not be removed. Even guys find pleasure in playing with the love button, I'd be pissed of if I ran my tongue down that little line from the stomach, cicrled my meal for a little bit and found nothing when I plunged in. It's be like ordering a nice juicy steak and them delivering nothing but the soup and salad. Appetizers are great, but my entree better show up. Maybe there's a more viable solution!
.. My question is Why whine about this,, dont cry.. take some happy pills if your depressed and make the best of the predicament! LOL
Wait, a simple solution to this would be to just employ them as prostitutes. Send them to Nevada, pour a little cocaine on their asses and let the public pay to give them what they need. Why not let them put their talents....ERR.....syndromes to a good cause. They need satisfaction, and so do all of the ugly and married men out there!!! Take all the rest of the prostitutes and send them to these ladies real jobs as replacements and we even helped solve unemployment. Shit! I should run for political office and use this as my platform!
Anyone got a good slogan? Anything good or bad to say? I know a couple of you girls that may suffer, here's a solution to your problems!
__________________________________________________________
Thank you Cherie! Everyoe feel free to swing by her blog and leave comments too...
~Mike
It comes from the lovely
Cherie
and she blogged about it here!
It's posted below for those of you who are too lazy to click, and my little addtions!
__________________________________________________________and she blogged about it here!
It's posted below for those of you who are too lazy to click, and my little addtions!
Last night while watching a very informative episode of 20/20, I learned of a womans disorder that I have never heard of. Its a very rare disorder and was first diagnosed very recently in 2001, which I find surprising because if it happened then there must have been many cases before. PSAS, Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome.
Holy shit! Why can't I find a woman like this? A woman constantly aroused and always charged and ready to go would be a great little party trick.Pull her out of the closet when the time is right and you never have to worry about your polishing your game or your knob!!!
This sounds like a lucky disorder at first. I mean who wouldnt like having multiple orgasms back to back, at work, in the shower, or even while pushing the vacuum around the living room. Wouldnt you think that the partner in the relationship might also enjoy this too? Hell, I would think so! But after listening to the womans testimonies who have suffered from this, it seems as though its very unpleasing.
I'm still with you on this one Cherie. Tell me, do you suffer? May I help you out with that? I've got friends!
From what I could get out of the information last night, very little is actually known about this constant urge to whack off. The curiosity struck me this morning to know more about this arousal thats not related to sexual excitement or desire so I came to work and read a little bit more about PSAS. It is actually one of the current understudied disorders for woman, and one that many suffer from with no diagnosis. Say you go to the doctor, and you tell him that you have violent orgasms in broad day light while enjoying lunch with your coworker. He would probably look at you like,
Holy crap really?? Well arent you every mans dream. But to a woman this has got to be quite an embarrassment, and also pretty painful. I mean after a long night of entertainment you find yourself exhausted, but orgasms allll day? Holy shiza!
Hmm, the constant rubbing could lead to a little irritation, but VILOLENT orgasms? Tie her up to my bed and I'll climb on top. It'll be like the bed at the sleazy motel with the quarter slot on the headboard! Ah, good times!
For males multiple masturbation sessions are normal on almost a daily basis, for your average woman once or twice a day is also quite normal. BUT 35 times a day is OUTRAGOUS! Imagine having to masturbate ALL day and still have no relief. Stay home. Watch the kids and rub one out! Hahahaha, One of the woman last night on 20/20 was explaining the torture that PSAS put on her marriage and her career, and that it also caused her to be suicidal. She is now on paxel and announced on national television that she only masturbates about 15 times a day after treatment and cries while doing it. ( haha.. not a laughing matter really, but it is amusing.)
Bullshit! Not a laughing matter my ass, that could provide hours of entertainment. Imagine the porn fetish site she could start.... www.crymeacumriver.com, Where the salty tears just add to the flavor! Millions I tell you, millions. You know there is some sick fuck out there that would get off on it!
She was defiantly not the only one. There was also a wrinkled ol couple on the show discussing the lack of performance from her husband and sharing her burning desire to get off all day. She has suffered from severe depression because if this she claims. After a little research I did find out that it is a unique experience for each person involved in PSAS. Each woman with PSAS and her partner undergo an individual yet normally negative emotional experience, such as shame and embarrassment, personal distress, invalidation, and feelings of isolation, withdrawal etc.
Is it really a feeling of isolation, or just a desire to be isolated...with a laptop...and an internet connection....and a washcloth?
NOW with all that said even though lots of orgasms sound cool. That would flippin suck.
I figure this is just an over amount of sensitivity of nerves and the blood flow to their business, which I dont think can be controlled by any substance. Thus leaving these women busting out in Ohhs and Aweees in public, or even at a family dinner. My suggestions for cure. Well they are slim, but I can say that Ive heard that thinking about dead puppies works for males. Maybe thinking of your grandmas boobs or finding your mans skid stained boxers might work also. But a better suggestion would be the removal of the love button. I know they do this is some religions and diverse cultures, so shit.. If its so bad that you have to cry while you aim to please that clitorious, have them cut that bad boy out. I mean we still have the inevitable G spot thingy to find, so maybe they spend time looking for that, all the other woman in the world might appreciate the tips, cause the other dont work! (Well except that pillow thingy.. but whatever) Hell maybe someone who suffers from it will read this and become the best sex therapist and teach other woman to maintain these crazy intense organisms that weve all been looking for. Men might like the tips too! Its all of our goals to increase the pleasure of our partners.
Dead puppies? Dead babies...or maybe live ones getting run over by a bus! Or if you're real fucked up you could just imagine some of the scenes from the movie "The Hills Have Eyes". Yeah, I fucked up and watched that shit! I'm a little twisted, but that was fucked up....
Back to the subject. Removal of the stalactite at the cave entrance? NO, the bean should definitely not be removed. Even guys find pleasure in playing with the love button, I'd be pissed of if I ran my tongue down that little line from the stomach, cicrled my meal for a little bit and found nothing when I plunged in. It's be like ordering a nice juicy steak and them delivering nothing but the soup and salad. Appetizers are great, but my entree better show up. Maybe there's a more viable solution!
.. My question is Why whine about this,, dont cry.. take some happy pills if your depressed and make the best of the predicament! LOL
Wait, a simple solution to this would be to just employ them as prostitutes. Send them to Nevada, pour a little cocaine on their asses and let the public pay to give them what they need. Why not let them put their talents....ERR.....syndromes to a good cause. They need satisfaction, and so do all of the ugly and married men out there!!! Take all the rest of the prostitutes and send them to these ladies real jobs as replacements and we even helped solve unemployment. Shit! I should run for political office and use this as my platform!
Anyone got a good slogan? Anything good or bad to say? I know a couple of you girls that may suffer, here's a solution to your problems!
__________________________________________________________
Thank you Cherie! Everyoe feel free to swing by her blog and leave comments too...
~Mike
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)