The most awesome monkey ever!

A monkey on a motorcycle!? This has got to be one of the greatest stupid pet tricks ever. I think I want a monkey!

Ninja Cat

I hate cats, but this made me laugh at little towards the end.

Craigslist: A Place for Rape.

One of the guys in my office is an avid bow-hunter and is getting rid of some equipment. Being that I have sold items on Craigslist before, he asked me to post it for him which I gladly did. Here is what the ad reads...

This Bowtech Allegiance is decked out and ready for a hunt. It is set at 29" draw and 70#'s. Comes with 6 Easton Epic arrows fitted with Muzzy 100gr three blade broadheads. Recently paper tuned. Bow is outfitted with a simms module stabalizer, Trophy ridge dropzone rest, Quiver, Toxonic 5 pin sight, STS vibration dampener and Limb Savers. Peep sight and nock point installed. Superfast and ultraquiet. Will throw in more than a dozen arrows, Truball Hurricane release, Cobra mamba release, G5 broadheads, Muzzy 100gr 4-blade broadheads, field poins, Plano hard case, tuning tools, fletching tools, Blazer fletchings, and much more. Looking to get rid of my entire set up with the sale of this bow. Almost $2800 worth of equipment. Please email for detailed pictures of everything included. Also looking to sell pop up ground blind.

Even if you know nothing about bow-hunting, this is quite an extensive listing of goodies. I have had several responses, but let's be honest, the economy is struggling a little and there are not a lot of people looking to drop $850 on a "toy", but one response just rubbed me wrong. I got an email from "Ken" (I don't know why i put quotes, that is his real name. I just like quotes!) that simply said "I'll give you $300 Cash".

I though about this for a minute and decided I would respond...

Very nice of you to offer to give me 300 in cash with us being strangers and all. I very much appreciate the generosity, but I’d really like to sell my bow rather than accept donations. Oh, you meant you’d give me 300 cash for the bow and all the accessories? Oh, so it was not generosity, just a futile attempt for your own gain, and to be honest just a flat out insult to my generosity of offering almost $3,000 worth of bowhunting equipment to a lucky purchaser.

While I understand the requisite of shrewdness in business transactions I think I would need lubrication for this one.

Thank you for your response and your time. I don’t imagine you’ll be contacting me again, I therefore rescind my praises of your generosity in lieu of screaming RAPE based on the offer you made.

Have a great day Ken!

I still have the email sitting in my drafts, and I'm having second thoughts about sending it. Maybe I should just politely decline. What do you think? Let me know in the comments if I should send Ken a response.

Apple products for the family pet.

Ok, so maybe it's not made by Apple, but the iChew dog toy is a must have for the technologically advanced pup.

They are made of an ultra plush material and have a little squeaker inside to keep your dogs attention. I don't know about all of you, but at my house if it squeaks, he's interested.

I got one of these for the Stew-Monster and he carries it around all the time just like you or I would an iPod. I've been shopping around online for him, getting dog toys as well as hunting gear and camo, but the fun stuff has all come from Fleur De Pup. He loves his toys and as rough as he is, they are holding up far better than anything else I have picked up for him. He's a growing boy, and while he was teething he tore up some plush toys from PetSmart.

Do your pet a favor and go check out the items at Fleur De Pup. I'm sure your dog will love them as much as mine and thank you for it.

Combat Fuel Prices with Beer!

If you've recently checked your bank account and noticed that your life savings is down to a meager $1.26, then it comes as no surprise that the record gas prices are raising the cost of nearly everything we buy. While we could organize revolts against The Man for allowing oil tycoons to smoke cigars made from $100 million bills (What, never heard of that? You have to rip the American public off for at least $5 billion per year to get sent these special treasury notes!) At BeerMagnet.com, we believe in doing something that is both legal and fun.

A recent article written by Bill Fleckenstein titled "$4 a gallon means more for a beer" finally struck us where it hurts. In it, he claims that soaring gas prices will raise the cost per hour of farmers selling hops, and that would indicate a 25 cent per pint increase on beer at your local brewpub. Now, a little known fact is that all BeerMagnet staff is required to drink nothing but beer. We drink beer, our kids drink beer, grandma drinks beer. It's a way of life – for us – and many other Americans.

So how do we, as a beer loving (nay, worshipping!) society, combat this situation? How do we help both the consumer and the pub, club and grub industry? Beermagnet.com!

In the car industry, some dealerships make a little money per sale on many sales per month, while others make few sales with a high profit margin per sale. Currently, the escalating price of beer follows the latter model. Perhaps by joining together, and selling (and drinking!) more beer, we can switch it to the former. Selling more beer at a smaller profit margin per beer allows everyone to win! The bars and clubs will receive more profit, and the consumers obtain The Golden Juice Of The Gods in the vast quantities they deserve.

But it can't happen, right? Wait! Don't leave, we're just joking. It CAN happen. Bars do it all the time – they're called specials! The problem with having specials is that people have to know about them to take advantage of them. You can either use the ancient art of telepathy, or bravely step into the 21st century and use www.beermagnet.com!

Help BeerMagnet.com help you by getting your favorite bars and clubs to post their specials on BeerMagnet.com, and tell all of your friends (your enemies too, we're not morally opposed to luring your arch-nemesis into a nearby pub and getting him a little happy) to use BeerMagnet.com to check out all of the Hot Spots in their area. If we can get BeerMagnet.com to grow fast enough, we can make going out for a good time a true escape from the hardships of rising gas prices!

Although BeerMagnet.com wholeheartedly believes that the relation between beer and www.BeerMagnet.com might allow you to put your children through Harvard, it is not recommended that you empty your children's future into the nearest pub.

Unleash your Pubtential(TM)!

Paparazzi in Muttgaritaville!

If you're looking to pamper your dog and have them chased by the paparazzi instead of just chasing their tails there is a new site on the web. I say new, newly discovered might be more apropos. In a few simple clicks you can turn you're families best friend into the star of the show. Paris Hilton would be proud to put Tinkerbell in a velour tracksuit and let her sip "Muttgarita's" on a patio in Beverly Hills!

I know I've got some dog loving friends that would be interested in the vanity collars, Jimmy "Chews" plush toys and a nice big "Sniffany & Co." blue box pillow for their little buddies.

I personally am waiting for the gun toting camo line for my dog. I'm not sure I could make him wear a pink collar, he might get mad and not hunt any longer.

It's a competitive market out there for Dog accessories, but Fleur de Pup has some interesting things for, in the words of Brad Paisley from I'm Still a Guy "your sissy dog".

Check out the site, buy your pup something nice and let Fleur de Pup donate to the humane society. Even those pets lost deserve a nice present. I say this year instead of adopting an angel, we all adopt a pet! They may not be as grateful for the gifts, but they sure love the attention.

Foreclosures Increase the Threat of West Nile Virus

Yes, this blog is called Nonsensical Ramblings, but this one has some meat to it.

The increase in foreclosures and the slow movement of the housing market are leaving pools abandoned and unmaintained, thus an increase in Mosquito breeding. Mosquito's carry the West Nile virus, just in case you've been under a rock for the last few years.

There are several stories out about it...

ABC News
Pestworld Press Release

..and the list goes on.

One interesting story was in The Wall Street Journal this morning, but I haven't found it online yet. Yeah, I do still read print articles. Amazing isn't it?

The Gambusia affinis is being used in California to keep the mosquitos down and keep the city cost for extermination and pesticide spraying down. That's probably one of the best ideas to come out of California in a while!

Warming up the boys!

I've been going to the gym just about every morning during the week and working out. I know, great news right! I'm starting to see some results. 2 months in I've dropped about 20 lbs and can see muscles through the fat now! Enough about me, let's move on to this past Monday....

...5:30 in the morning is f-ing early! I do it though. I get out of bed lazily, call my work out partner to get his butt out of bed and I head to L.A. Fitness for my daily self-abuse. This was an ordinary Monday. A weekend of eating like crap made me feel a little guilty so I sprung up and headed out a little quicker than usual. I got to the gym, rounded the corner into the locker room to empty my pockets and such and there it was, one of the most disturbing and puzzling things I've seen.

For anyone who goes to the gym and enters the locker room, it's no shock to see a naked dude walking around the locker room with his Johnson swinging. Us guys have all seen the old guy who's not bashful walking around drying his hair with a towel, coin purse dragging the ground and whistling Dixie as he struts, but these are all everyday things. It's also not unusual or odd to see a guy using a hairdryer, but I must go on and share with you...

Have you ever seen the unabashed old man bent at the knees with a hair dryer in each hand warming up the noodles?

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he was just drying the pubes, or, or, well, I can't explain it. I have no excuse for a man to stand with bent knees and a hair dryer in each hand pumping hot air onto the twig and berries. I do know it was and is not something I care to start my day off with. I think I'll just hit snooze one extra time!

Improving Your Search Rankings With SEO Pixie Dust [video]

Funny video on using magical SEO pixie dust to improve search rankings.

read more | digg story

Karaoke Madness at Quarter Bar

Spring break was last week, that means no kids and I get to socialize during the week. Sarah told me about Thursday karaoke at Quarter Bar in Addison so we made plans to go. Some of Sarah's friends joined us at first, and later a few of my friends joined to partake in the excitement. I know, this sounds boring, and I might be losing you, but bear with me.

Thursday night karaoke is chocked full of excitment. First off, there is a small group that comes in who are half emo half theatre junkie. Needless to say they turn each song intoa performance. There was a very special rendition of "Springtime in Germany for Hitler" by a guy who resembles an angry black eyeliner wearing emo goth creature that dwells in dimly lit places waiting to prey upon cockroaches and rats. I should have got a picture, but I missed my chance on this one. Maybe another time. We also dealt with the nerdy fat bad skinned guy who was "smoking" to be cool. He would take a drag from a Marlboro Red and blow it right back out without inhaling. It was a horrendous odor and left my sinuses clogged up for 2 days.

The best of all, the one that had us laughing so hard we cried and caused me to break out the cell phone for video was glorious. A young black guy, mid-twenties maybe gets on stage. We watch the credits roll, "Pussy Control" by Prince. I'm sure you may have heard the song, the outlandish wails by Prince that transgress into song lyrics and into a sort of rap. It's a great beat, energetic, but enough about the song. The guy has on gym shorts, a black wife beater, and a face mask on his head. From the second the song starts it's apparent he has no clue how the song or lyrics go. We laugh a little, but when he gets wound up the light laughter becomes roars and fits of belly laughs and tears. I can't do it justice in words, so here's the video...

I apologize for the audio being poor, but it was from my cell phone in the bar. What you are hearing is the "AHHHHHHH" wailing of the singer and then him screaming "PUSSY CONTROL" His gyrationand humping the ground sealed the deal on the most hilarious karaoke moment I've ever seen. We all agreed that it was one of the funniest moments in quite a while.

Princeton Premier Nomination

It is apparent that I am a standout in my industry! Check out this nomination I received.

Michael Clark,

It is my pleasure to inform you that you are being considered for inclusion into the 2008-2009 Princeton Premier Business Leaders and Professionals "Honors Edition" section of the Registry.

The 2008 / 2009 edition of the Registry will include biographies of the world's most accomplished individuals. Recognition of this kind is an honor shared by thousands of executives and professionals throughout the world each year. Inclusion is considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement.

You may access our application form using the following link:

http://app.formassembly.com/forms/view/11970

Upon final confirmation, you will be listed among other accomplished individuals in the Princeton Premier Registry.

For accuracy and publication deadlines, please complete your application form and return it to us within five business days. There is no cost to be included in the Registry.

On behalf of the Managing Director, we wish you continued success.

Sincerely,

Jason Harris

Managing Director
Princeton Premier

What an honor to be recognized by Princeton! Oh wait, you're not from Princeton. You mean you're just using that name to falsely establish recognition? Well I guess, but what does this nomination mean?

You want to publish my name in a book. That's excellent, is it like McRae's? No, what about Redbook? It's primarily online. That could be ok, the internet is the fastest growing marketplace and the information superhighway! You want me to pay you for the nomination? That sounds like bribery! I don't think winners of the Nobel prize are required to give kickbacks for that prestigious award, but I could be wrong. I've never been nominated for one myself.

I think I'll pass on the "nomination", but thank you for the consideration.

The cross we bear.

This was sent to me and I thought it was great and definitely worth sharing. Enjoy!

Awesome!! We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize
it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we can't.

Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;
But God's always ready, to answer your call....

He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips, can calm every fear...

Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish, dawn's early light...

The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace, and send you His love...