That's right kids, and not the Wookie like Druncle talks about. You know, he pulls the stranger and it looks like a wookie is jacking him off. I'm talking about a mountainous pile of man fur in my sink.
I'm a hairy bastard, to be honest, you could probably braid my chest hair and let little kids swing from it into the pond like they do out there at "dem fishin' holes" Well, maybe it's not quite that bad, but I do seem to attract small children to my chest much like Santa Claus does to his beard.
On to my point.
As many of you guys out there do (this is modern society now) I do some "Man-scaping" from time to time. I trim down the chest hairs, give the undercarriage a nice cleaning, and even clean up the loose ends in my ass crack. Man is that a pain in the ass! I have to say, it is satidfying to look down and realize your penis just grew 3 inches from removing the hair. I always wonder "where the hell did that thing come from? That can't be mine!" Then I touch it a few times and it responds, so it has to be.
Last night I decided it was about time to give the clippers a run across the 'ol spare tire and clean it up a bit. I'm not going to see Rebecca for a couple of days, just me to deal with the stubble, why not. I put the little gaurd on my clippers and viola off to a great start.
Damn, that line sure is drastic. Oh well, let's keep going. Oops, that was the wrong gaurd. Too late now, slowly around the nips, don't want to cut on off. Batteries are running low, better change them......
So, I walk through the house, half shaved (I was not doing the under carriage last night) and get quizzed by my kids.
"Daddy, why is your hair like that?" Well, I explained about shaving and trimming hair for hygenic and cosmetic purposes. I think they understood. Back to shaving I go and in comes Austin. "Daddy, it looks like the guy from Star Wars in the sink"
There you go, no real point, but it was humorous. My 4 year old recognized Chewbacca in my sink. I wonder if could have bundled it up and sold it on ebay like the Virgin Mary grilled cheese?
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Sunday, August 6, 2006
Innocence Lost, Wisdom Gained and the World Stood Still
Well folks, today is an interesting day. A bit of the softer, not funny side, but something that I wanted to share with all of you.
My daughter Aubrey started school today. It was her first day of kindergarten and she was excited. If you share the joysof parenthod with me, you know that this is a big step for her. She was very excited. She went out Sunday night and got her school supplies with Aunt Kathy. It's been hell keeping her out of them for the past couple of days, but last night we went and got her the last three shots she needed for school. Taken like a true champ, whining a little on the second one when she looked over and saw the needle, but she didn't even feel the first one.
After all three shots were done we grabbed a bite of dinner and hit the grocery store. She was elated that I let her pick out what SHE wanted in her lunches. Off to the house, Austin took a shower and Aubrey and I made her first lunch to take to school. She made her own sandwich, put all of the items in er lunch box and put it in the fridge with a huge grin on her face. She went right to sleep.
This morning she came in and woke me up around 6 am wondering if it was time to get ready. I laid her down in bed with me for a few minutes and we got up and around.
After dropping Austin at daycare, Aubrey's road rage was in full force yelling at cars to get out of the way because she had to go to school. That'll all change in a few years. I walked her to her new classroom, pointed out that her name was on a locker. She promply put her things in there, said hello to the teacher and turned to me, gave me a kiss and said "Goodbye, Daddy." I didn't tear up or any of that stuff that you might see other parents do. I didn't sulk off thinking that sh didn't need me, but looing back now I have a smile on my face. My kids are a part of me and that will never change. I have the priveledge of walking through these steps of life with them that will form them into functioning adults. This was a very proud moment for me. One of many to come, but the first step in her future. Take care of my little girl Mrs. Mammailie, she is very important to me.
Austin starts next year and I suspect that I will have the same feelings when he crosses that invisible plain from carefree into his first steps of responsibility. I wish both of them as fond of memories of their first day that I will always have. For those of you who are not parents, I wish that you some day will have these feelings. We always think about those we love around us, we really do love them, but this is different. It transcends all things that we think are important and every care or negative thought in the world is gone out the window. Everything around you is just a dull murmur of mundane life. There is nothing I have yet found, including the day I was married, that can compare to the emotions that ran through me this morning.
To Aubrey, maybe you'll see this in years to come. You might cry when you read this, you might skip the tears. I can feel them welling up in my eyes, but they just won't fall! I know right now you won't understand it, but I love you, and I am so proud of you.
My daughter Aubrey started school today. It was her first day of kindergarten and she was excited. If you share the joysof parenthod with me, you know that this is a big step for her. She was very excited. She went out Sunday night and got her school supplies with Aunt Kathy. It's been hell keeping her out of them for the past couple of days, but last night we went and got her the last three shots she needed for school. Taken like a true champ, whining a little on the second one when she looked over and saw the needle, but she didn't even feel the first one.
After all three shots were done we grabbed a bite of dinner and hit the grocery store. She was elated that I let her pick out what SHE wanted in her lunches. Off to the house, Austin took a shower and Aubrey and I made her first lunch to take to school. She made her own sandwich, put all of the items in er lunch box and put it in the fridge with a huge grin on her face. She went right to sleep.
This morning she came in and woke me up around 6 am wondering if it was time to get ready. I laid her down in bed with me for a few minutes and we got up and around.
After dropping Austin at daycare, Aubrey's road rage was in full force yelling at cars to get out of the way because she had to go to school. That'll all change in a few years. I walked her to her new classroom, pointed out that her name was on a locker. She promply put her things in there, said hello to the teacher and turned to me, gave me a kiss and said "Goodbye, Daddy." I didn't tear up or any of that stuff that you might see other parents do. I didn't sulk off thinking that sh didn't need me, but looing back now I have a smile on my face. My kids are a part of me and that will never change. I have the priveledge of walking through these steps of life with them that will form them into functioning adults. This was a very proud moment for me. One of many to come, but the first step in her future. Take care of my little girl Mrs. Mammailie, she is very important to me.
Austin starts next year and I suspect that I will have the same feelings when he crosses that invisible plain from carefree into his first steps of responsibility. I wish both of them as fond of memories of their first day that I will always have. For those of you who are not parents, I wish that you some day will have these feelings. We always think about those we love around us, we really do love them, but this is different. It transcends all things that we think are important and every care or negative thought in the world is gone out the window. Everything around you is just a dull murmur of mundane life. There is nothing I have yet found, including the day I was married, that can compare to the emotions that ran through me this morning.
To Aubrey, maybe you'll see this in years to come. You might cry when you read this, you might skip the tears. I can feel them welling up in my eyes, but they just won't fall! I know right now you won't understand it, but I love you, and I am so proud of you.
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